Pre Term Labor

Ok, so I took the Bar exam in July and didn't past. I was absolutely DEVASTATED!!! It was almost as if there was a mistake because I was absolutely sure that through prayer, fasting, and a strong belief in God that I was going to pass. Not too mention the two months of studying like a maniac!

I really felt like my life was over... or at least at a temporary standstill and couldn't fathom what I was going to do next. My emotions ranged from shock, sadness, anger, feeling betrayed, and then depression-- all in a matter of hours. But thank God for grandmothers, particularly one with a "womp womp" spirit like mines! My grandma told me " I will not tell you don't cry and not to feel disappointed...today. But tomorrow you need to get up and make a plan. Baby, I want you to plan to work and work your plan!"

Seems coldhearted, I know, but really. What was I going to do? Cry until Feb comes? I don't think so.

So I did just that. I wiped my face off, told God thank you for this new test in my life and set forth to achieve my goal...

Ha ha, that sounded right, but then I realized that I don;t even have a plan. I don't really have any short term goals and my long term goals don't seem to be providing me with much of a road map.

I'm going through pre term labor and I'm not sure if I'm the fetus or the vessel. I feel like I'm ready to step out into the big, big world and stamp my mark of approval and change on every object within my destiny. But then again I feel like "Am I really ready for this?" Yes, I've graduated and yes I am of professional sound mind and body, but mentally am I ready? Do I realize what I am about to embark on? Do I possess the humility and clarity to undertake the real world? " Only God knows for sure, but I pray the next big step, the next big thing, the next leap of faith I undertake is my birthing day.

Womp Womp